Mandatory Explorer Rankings

The following classification levels have been legislated by the guys at sewerfresh.com. Please read this document carefully as it pertains to all those who wish to use the popular title Urban Explorer (and of course the detestable term UEr/UEer) in both public and private correspondence. If you resemble the person pictured below it absolutely does apply to you, tard.

DJ-ninja-nipples
If this is how you look when you're out and about then without doubt you are doing it right. Fry that soft tissue, shoot...


Important Note:
For those of you who have already earned EPIC$, they are redeemable for XP (eXploration/eXperience Points) at the rate of EPIC$10 / 1xp. If you wish to redeem your EPIC$ please contact the governing body for the appropriate forms. Proof of your current EPIC$ balance is required in triplicate.


Experience Points from Loot:
All explorers gain experience points equal to the dollar value of every item stolen/liberated/saved during their explorations. However, the full point value is only received if the item is sold for personal gain, or kept in their person stash to accumulate dust. Any items donated to museums, returned or given away are only worth half points. Copper, gold, lead and other valuable metals scrapped are worth double XP.


Explorer Levels, Rereqs and Skills

Level 1 - Noob (0 xp)
Prerequisites
  • None.
Skills Gained
  • Forum Post: A skill enabling one to post on internet forums.


Level 2 - Ghost Hunter (1,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 1 x peeling paint photo
  • 1 x creation of a "what camera/shoes/light/backpack should I buy?" thread
  • 1 x exploration of gas station, haunted barn or abandoned house
Skills Gained
  • Ghost sight: This skill allows the user to see ghosts and orbz, even when they are not present, then report their experiences to the wider community.
  • Google Fu: Ability to utilise the google search engine for inane questions previously asked on forums.
  • Gimmicks (basic): One gains the ability to poorly utilise emerging photographic techniques to augment otherwise uninteresting photos. For example HDR, polaroid effects, selective desaturation etc.
  • Urban Camo: One learns the proper way to blend into the urban environment using off- the-shelf military wilderness camouflage.


Level 3 - Forum Owner (2,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 1 x hallway photo, open doors optional
  • 1 x apology thread, when called out for graffiti painted earlier in exploration career
  • 1 x evidence of partaking in a media article/show where you have defined urban exploration
  • 1 x evidence of thinking you are a ninja
Skills Gained
  • Lol Cat: The ability to post lol-cat type images to forums without feelings of guilt for their non-contribution to the community.
  • Forum Owner: One gains the ability to start their own forum to further their position in in the community.
  • Nudity: Explorer is now able to (poorly) augment their photos with nude models (fetish type images not included).
  • Gimmicks (adv): Explorer gains the ability to utilise various novelty cameras - holgas, lomos polaroids etc to boost their artistic credibility. Also, one develops immunity to their egregious use of a fish-eye lens.
  • Sexuality: One develops the ability to utilise their sexuality to supplement their personality, for example posting nude photos of themselves in abandonments, exploring in a fursuit, inserting relentless cans into the rectums of plushies, talking endlessly about cocks, balls, spooge geysers etc.


Level 4 - Urban Photographer (4,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 5 x photos of DISTINCT lonely chairs
  • 1 x successful troll using either Ethics or Graffiti
  • 25+ documented outings to the Don Valley brickworks
  • Evidence of digging 5+ chatieres 
Skills Gained
  • Medium Format: One gains the photographic skill to utilise medium format and make disparaging remarks about those who use 35mm film or digital.
  • Bullshiting: Enables one to bullshit convincingly to the general public and all explorers of lower level than themselves about the artistic merit of urban decay and drains.
  • Internalisation: One becomes self-indoctrinated and fully internalises the belief that they are legally, morally and ethically entitled to visit locations more than any non-explores, particularly for the purpose of "documenting history".


Level 5 - Drainer / Creeper (8,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 1 x accidental swimming in a culvert (ottering)
  • 1 x thread suggesting the possible use of night vision, a grappling hook or tabi boots
  • 1 x exploration of lost river of london
Skills Gained
  • Ropes (basic): One gains the ability to descend ropes. Additionally, one may now critisise others for their rigging and rope techniques (note this applies online only).
  • Hypocrisy (basic): Enables one to chastise others for things they have done, such access methods and the like (note this applies online only).
  • Poop Shot: Ability to shit with a high degree of accuracy at targets - scale models, lonely chairs etc.


Level 6 - Culverteer / Explorer (16,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 2 x explorations of sites outside your city, accessed with local help
  • 1 x photo of the chernobyl ferris wheel
  • 1 x successful evasion from security
Skills Gained
  • Large Format: One gains the photographic skill to utilise large format and make disparaging remarks about those who use digital, 35mm and medium format. (Note: does not automatically confer the strength to carry large format equipment).
  • Mediawhore: With this skill one innately draws agents of the media (radio, tv, print) towards themselves at the rate of 1 per week per level, absolutely believing their ego feeding drivel and self-aggrandizing words.


Level 7 - Ninjah (32,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 2 x live site infiltration
  • 2 x explorations of sites outside your city, accessed WITHOUT local help
  • 1 x successful evasion from Police
  • Post count of 1000+ on at least one forum
Skills Gained
  • Condescension: The skill to look down upon those who have explored less than you, who wear different clothing than you or who explores locations you consider inferior.
  • Forum Whore: Enables ones to cross-post their reports to 5+ forums and gain experience and scene points more rapidly. User gains 1 extra xp for each exclamation mark after the word "REPORT" in thread titles.
  • Definer: Once per week one gains the ability to define to others what constitutes Urban Exploration. If 2+ explorers use this skill offensively the explorer with the highest level is successful. This skill also confers the right to use the word "EPIC" at every available opportunity.


Level 8 - Super Ninja (128,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 1 x exploration of an Urbex Holy Grail
  • Post count of 1000+ on 3 distinct forums
  • Verified 120+ kg / 10 cubic meters (whichever is smaller) of loot/obtainium/salvage
Skills Gained
  • Asylum Lore: This skill confers all knowledge of every asylum everywhere and the ability to use it condescendingly to others.
  • Sewer Lore: This skill confers all knowledge of every drain/sewer/culvert everywhere and the ability to use it condescendingly to others.
  • Ropes (adv): One can now rig ropes, ascend, descend and (poorly) teach others the art of single rope technique. Also, one may now criticise other's SRT usage face to face.
  • Finger Pop: The ability to open manholes without need for tools.
  • Ever Stoop: The ability to stoop, crouch or crawl for an infinite amount of time at regular walking speed.
  • Paint Crackle: Explorer automatically ages and peels paint when inside abandoned structures.
  • Burn: One acquires the right to burn locations, both literally and metaphorically, without the risk of reprisal from the community.


Level 9 - Elite Grandmaster Super Ninjah (512,000 xp)
Prerequisites
  • 1 x completed checklist of all UK asylums
  • 1 x completed checklist of all Kirkbride asylums
  • 1 x completed checklist of all London's lost rivers
  • Exploration of 2+ Urbex Holy Grails
  • Combined post count of 10,000+ across any number forums
  • Administrator/moderator rights on 1+ forum
Skills Gained
  • Delusion: Explorer develops a deluded aura of importance whereby they perceive the secrecy of their activities to be so critical they create heavily secured information repositories and private forums, sharing leads, clues and photos with their closest allies, while keeping tabs and pseudo-friendships with those they feel could provide them with information on new and epic locations.
  • Paranoia: This is a subconscious skill whereby the user instantly knows of any photos being taken in the immediate vicinity, giving them time to protect their precious identity. Also, on attaining this level of previously photos of this person are inexplicably blurred or damaged.
  • Handout Immunity: This skill enables one to ask for handouts with immunity from flaming.
  • Hypocrisy (adv): Enables one to commit hypocrisy of the highest order both online and face to face, particularly in relation to theft of items from abandonments.
  • Cliche Immunity: One gains the ability to shoot trite photos of played out subject matter in cliche styles with immunity from criticism.
  • Godliness: One gains the skill to retain their ego and position atop the hierarchy of online 'urban exploration' without the need to even explore. Also confers the ability to make remarks such as "do you know who I am?, I explored that years ago", start flamewars without consequence etc.
  • Casanova: One is inevitably lusted after by all explorers of the opposite sex.
  • Confidence: One gains the ability to create large lists of bullshit and pass it off as 'humour'.
About the author

Found frigid and dying in the snow by a passing missionary at the abandoned Soviet airbase in Choir, Mongolia, little dsankt never had a chance. The Dreams Foundation granted his wish to one day travel the world, thinking he'd only last a month or so. To everyone's amazement he's still going strong. When asked for comment the foundation's treasurer would only say, "The little mongrel cunt just won't fucking die, it's costing us a fortune!"

Following Post

Jolly old England
n00b   5 years ago
Funny as hell
Metro   5 years ago
so ds, which one are you? :p
dsankt   5 years ago
Me, I'm just the messenger. However, we're I to redeem all the copper I've scrapped I think somewhere between levels 4 and 5. I better book up some more foreign trips and hit some of those Holy Grails!
India   5 years ago
quality ;)

looks like I need to spend some time in paris before I can move up to level 4, might have to see if I can RPL my way past it ;)

Don't forget the "proven leg stamina to dodge trains in a live underground system"
dsankt   5 years ago
Hey irl rpling is far superior to min/maxing if the dm is half decent. That said I'm sure you've busted up some chatieres in your time, with some leniency that effort on 321 could count double.
four   5 years ago
hahah this is awesome, i was guna say it needs an exter category for people who have explored greatly in the past but then went soft but still portray they hit up uber locations nightly, then i read level 9 and i knew if was complete. had a few hrs spare ds? lol
Daniel Anderson   2 years ago
. Hahahaha, nice rankings! You are missing one though, there should be a Level 10 - Shogun - Someone who has completed a checklist of exploring overseas and posted nearly 1000000 in forums!
Eileen89   1 year ago
Really ,This is a wonderful post. I enjoyed the information lot. Thanks for sharing this important information.
Matt Considine   11 months ago
Really ,This is a wonderful post. I enjoyed the information lot. I will bookmark this page. Thanks for sharing this important information.Thanks for sharing.
Alexander   10 months ago
I have read the whole post you have posted what I am thanking for. Really I must share this article along with my friends & my colleagues as well so that more people can interact about. Hope you will keep posting ever!!!
safds   10 months ago
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