The Pimp Twist

Long long ago, before ekweleks and I hit the procircuit and went full factory Petzl and Teva we were real fucking dirtbags. Nobody showered, nobody carried babywipes and the idea of gloves was beyond comprehension. That's how draining was back in the day. None of this modern LED torch tech or headlamps, just dirt ass kids with crappy plastic dolphins and batteries stolen from council warning lights.

We weren't chasing fame but our conquests drew attention and unsurprisingly Picture Mag came knocking on our door. For the unfamiliar Picture is cherished by construction workers, crane operators and tumbleweed makers everywhere as the pinnacle of cheap pornography. Stretch marks, crooked teeth, home gals (and home blokes), dirty local shielas. When you climb exhausted into the cabin of a construction crane and slump breathlessly into the operators chair you can bet your ass a sticky, well loved Picture Magazine will be there to greet you. It's top fucking notch mate. In short Picture Mag wants us, little old brisbane clan to be pimps. Can WE be pimps? Shit son we got that shit on tap. Bats, gats, clits, tits and clips we own all that shit.

Stank-Straddle
Photo by PM photo d00d.


We rolled into the meeting spot dressed to impress, Magga's cherry red sigma bumping on the hydraulics, or the Roma Street Parkland speedbumps. Millsi's sick Bluebird was shooting sparks off the bitumen. We shot some dice under the solitary street light and awaited the rendezvous.

The photographer and the model rocked up all nervous, him carrying too much camera gear, her caked thick in makeup. We set the rules for our night out, blind folded the guy and the model, tossed em in the trunk and got hell outta there. Is that screaming coming from the boot? Someone pump that stereo.

Roll into the spot, flick off interior light from 'door' to 'off'. No need to announce our appearance to anyone. Quiet street, dimly lit park, no cars, it's on for young and/or old. The guy and the model dont resist much, they know the score. Noone talks, noone needs to. Ekweleks pops the hatch with his fingers, farken tuff cunts in brisbane eh. We descend.

The photo guy gets to work, he knows his equipment and the model knows her job. We stand back and let em do their thing for a while. she moves like a pro and the guy's in step. The clothes come straight off and shes enoying the underground warmth. Her stretch marks glow alluringly under the tungsten lights. From within the folds of our clothing we pull our masks, anonymity is the first priority. Winnie the pooh, skeletor, condorman, gasmask and tigger in full effect for the evening. The mood lightens a touch as everyone relaxes.

The guy is old hand at this and is on point every time the model tenses up. His game is nothing short of spectacular.

"Yeah you're beautiful love, spread your legs a little more. Someone shine a torch on her cooch".
"Just move your arm so I can see them titties love"
"Someone get down and shine the torch through her legs"

She doesn't flinch. A bit of flattery and the inhibitions fall away. Nothing was beyond the call of duty: spread on a cold step iron, knees in the stank ass water, half naked climbing out a manhole. She just took it all in her stride - what a gal.

Photo shoot complete everyone's going their seperate ways. The guy scribbles some stuff for the article, wonder if anyone will actually read the words when there are such beautiful drains in the photos beside them. We dumped the guy and model at the side of the road, who knows where they end up? They'd been to the other side and back. And what of the brisbane ninjas? The nights still young so we wander off, seeking adventure in the dark.

Article scans:
Cover - Page 1 - Page 2
About the author

Found frigid and dying in the snow by a passing missionary at the abandoned Soviet airbase in Choir, Mongolia, little dsankt never had a chance. The Dreams Foundation granted his wish to one day travel the world, thinking he'd only last a month or so. To everyone's amazement he's still going strong. When asked for comment the foundation's treasurer would only say, "The little mongrel cunt just won't fucking die, it's costing us a fortune!"

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yaggy   8 years ago
now i've seen everything.
TurtleShell   8 years ago
Well. That's certainly... different. On a side note, I shudder to think of the bacteria she may have picked up from that step iron. Yuck.
siologen   8 years ago
You are a goddamn master. *some fuckwit in as publishing house give this bitch a job, fast!* Smiling all the way till i jerk off in the shower n things get stringy.
Dr Pepper   8 years ago
Splinter can't touch this shit - Sensai of drains. Insane.
CitadelMonkey   8 years ago
Shit...i'd like to see a sorry bitch like that try to do the same in our drains here in London!!!
heks of equal tiding   8 years ago
all you motherfuckers wanna be in it , the real gankstas know whats up. yeyah. the bitch didnt like no rust
xtort   7 years ago
I tried to read your shitty writeup but it was too fucking hard to read. Infact, it was downright idiotic. You are not a pimp. You are a loser. You must think your pretty fucking cool, eh pro-star?
dsankt   7 years ago
xtort - shame you lack the ability to understand it. Your powers of observation are astute though; I am neither a pimp or cool so you pretty much nailed it. Any more tedious insights you'd care to bless us with? Lastly, wtf is a pro-star?
Kuroneko   7 years ago
And I thought I had the monopoly on naked women in explorations...
magga   7 years ago
I was there so fuck ya's all! But her tits didn't really do it for me. Jelly is nice as a desert though.
millsi   7 years ago
yeeaaah, ive still got the mag somewhere!
Air33   7 years ago
you didn't HDR that shit....whoa you know all best peeps are photomatixing hoes in sketchy locals, complete with selective desaturation and double exposure...w00t
smiling gandalf   6 years ago
whats the point in commenting if you dont think its cool.
dsankt   6 years ago
Air - HDR, I didn't even shoot the photos! Gandalf - haters, the self-righteous, people who think I give a fuck? I welcome all comments :)
NewStuff   4 years ago
Totally awesome, I am now sporting a big shiteating grin after reading that.
Black Friday   3 years ago
From what I know, this country has just less than 40 years from their independence day, but they have made improvements for the last decades which we can compare to their situation in 1960's